Close your eyes and think back to the time when you and your significant other were first dating. I will venture a guess that both of you were desperate to be together. As you counted down the minutes to your next rendezvous, you each thought of creative ways to spend the time. Planning fun and exciting dates was almost as fun as the dates themselves. Imagining each other’s reactions, what you would wear, the fun you would have, it was all part of the package.
Today, if you are like most couples with children, your only time alone together is at the end of the day, when the kids are asleep. In my house, we usually pass that time in two very unromantic ways: either we tackle household chores, side by side (so I make the week’s lunches while my husband picks up the kids’ toys in the living room) or we sit down together on the couch to watch our favorite TV shows.
Let me be clear, I am blissfully happy at home with my husband. There is no other person with whom I would rather watch another episode of Suits (we are up to Season 4). But I also admit that neither watching TV nor working on chores is bringing us closer.
As any successful couple can tell you, the key to keeping the love alive is working on romance… or at least making sure that you and your partner spend quality time together. Unfortunately, even a simple dinner and a movie can seem like too much of an undertaking when kids come into the picture. First, there is always the question of finding a babysitter. Do you really trust that 16-year-old to take care of your babies? Perhaps your financial priorities have changed, and you can think of fifty different ways to spend that $100. Finally, let’s admit it, you are both exhausted. From infancy through to the teenage years, kids take work, work, work. It is non-stop, day in and day out. The idea of planning some elaborate night out, while once so exhilarating, is now overwhelming. Putting on heels and a fancy outfit may be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Honestly, sometimes, you just want to stay home… and that is perfectly ok!
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here are some ideas for some inexpensive, at-home date nights. They may not seem like much, but each end every one ensures that you spend quality time together: looking at each other, talking, sharing, and laughing.
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Play a board game. A round of Scrabble, chess, or Twister is sure to get the competitive banter flowing.
Do a crossword puzzle. I can never finish those things on my own, but two heads are surely better than one. Old Will Shortz puzzles are available through The New York Times for printing here.
Play a video game. No, they are not just for kids. Grab a controllers, channel the teenage you, and have a fun night of Mario Kart, Guitar Hero, or Just Dance. Added bonus: the last one doubles as a workout.
Do a workout. Not only do you lack the energy for date nights, you also cannot seem to find the time to exercise. Kill two birds with one stone with an at home workout. Amazon includes scores of workout videos with the Prime membership, and there are so many other streaming services that you can try out for free, such as Daily Burn and Beachbody on Demand. Added bonus: spend extra time together the next day commiserating when you cannot laugh without wincing in pain.
Make a meal. Order some pizza for the kids and send them off to bed, then open a bottle of wine and make a meal together. Then, enjoy it together, just the two of you. For an effortless experience, order pre-measured ingredients and easy instructions from a service such as Blue Apron .
Order takeout. Tucking in to some Chicken Tikka Masala may be just what the doctor ordered. Make it different than the norm, and something that your kids would definitely not want to eat.
Take a bath. We have this huge soaking tub in our master bath, and I am ashamed to admit that have never been in it… well, not for a bath at least. I have cleaned it on several occasions, after the kids have used it. Have a spa night, complete with bath, facials, and a massage.
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Clean something. Organize the front closet, straighten the pantry, or clean the garage (that one may take a few date nights). I know, it does not seem romantic on the surface, but tackle a project that is driving you nuts, and tackle it together. You will check something off your list, it will be less of an undertaking with more manpower, and you get to experience that feeling of accomplishment TOGETHER every time you open the door. Added bonus: sometimes cleaning the less-used corners of your house unearths some long-forgotten treasures and leads to a walk down memory lane.
Tackle a DIY. The honey-do list is surely a thorn in someone’s side. Did your kids pull down the towel rack yet again? Fix it together, as a team of two. The project will (finally) be done and you can talk and laugh while working.
Do a jigsaw puzzle. Make it a hard one, monochromatic and with gazillions of pieces, so it takes a while. We use this roll-up mat which lets us store the unfinished puzzle for next time (and keeps your dog from walking away with the final piece).
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More ways to make it special:
- Take time to shower, perhaps even shave your legs. As all moms of infants know, it is not always a given.
- Wear something nice. It need not be a little black dress, but something that makes you feel good. If you are cleaning or doing a DYI project, settle for some nice underwear.
- Make a special, fancy cocktail. It makes everything more festive.
- Or open a bottle of champagne.
- Get some fancy snacks. Yes, trying a new type of cheese breaks you out of the everyday and ordinary.
- Or do dessert… chocolate covered strawberries, anyone?
- Set the mood. Sometimes the right playlist, a candle or two, or just turning on the fireplace can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary.
- Do not overthink it. Enjoy your love while you are together, because your toddler may wake up at any time and break the spell!
Of course, there are dozens of other ways you can spend time together. The keys to quality time are being together, talking, laughing, and having some fun. Share some other ideas in the comments below.
